I have been trying to figure out where i am headed in my life and i m glad i finally took out some time for myself.Post school life was not as much fun as i anticipated it to be.on one hand i rejoiced the freedom around and the sanguine promises life had in store but a part of me lamented at weakening of the camaraderie with my high school friends.We never spoke about it but we knew it.We chose to sip our coffee and blow our cigar and acted cool.other things that gradually took a backseat during these years were ingenuous streaks,honesty(with oneself and people around) and other values that exist when we are born and gradually die a shy-to-disclose-its-unfolding or rather an unmourned death.A part of reason why we were what we were was that we were totally oblivious to the idea of money,there was no covert competition or battle of supremacy with anyone around for fame and power and recognition(boy... these things have repeatedly failed to give me a hard-on).but the world around was changing quick right from Del Potro beating the Swiss ace to Marat Safin saying goodbye for once and all, fashion show ramps fraught with cameras strategically placed to capture the cuts on clothing and god's beautiful creation called woman,the very poorly disguised intended wardrobe malfunction(yeah i watched her looking for cover and screaming hurrrrayyyy the moment she left the ramp)and last but not the least the inconsequential debates going on in our very own Orkut and Facebook community(no wonder the country is facing dearth of real debators)and wait i just remembered one more thing our tweeter friendly ministers .So in effect good things were coming to an abrupt end,people were detaching themselves from their better version and still be proud and "KEWL" about it(full points to them for a clinical performance)..wearing the attitude on their sleeves as those into Literature would like to call it.
Its been some sort of struggle for me to maintain sanity when everything around looks brazen and uncorrigibly fcuked up(some euphemism for my sensitive friends :P).When i reflect back on life i think i have gone through most of it keeping things within myself..things that ought to have been spoken.i would request people not to practice it."being yourself" and "speaking your mind" are two nice funny old man to hang around with.In the clash with one's inner self i think you should let the inner self emerge victorious although there might not be any immediate reward or any reward at all,But you walk out an honest man and it leaves nothing to repent later.
One of my friends once remarked we make our choices in life and good or bad whatever ensues should be accepted with a smile. yes very well said Mr Smartypants but the thing to ponder upon is how many of those choices are actually "our".How many of us can today walk back in time and not want to change a majority of things in this magnificent shit-hole that we have created for ourselves with the best of efforts.One thing is that many people go through their whole life without thinking about all this,i am happy for them.God forgot to put the chip responsible for sound personal philosophy in their head(you see my Electrical engineering courses coming to use..you see it ??)so its beyond their ken,very much understandable.Lucky mofoes.
The other lot has people who fight a constant war inside their head,sadly i belong to latter...
(Will have more to say on this hopefully after clearing the writing under influence test)
On the latest happenings in my life:
1:successfully completed 6th semester,looked a tough ride for a while
2:beat this guy called Ranmit at tennis,he was some sort of a nemesis for me not anymore.
3:Summer School on probability was cool with all the free chicken and soon to become extinct professors...did not like the creepy snakes crawling around the hostel side though.
4:Loved...lost...loved..lost...loved.Did not learn my lesson lost finally
5:Struggling with graph theory and discrete computational Geometry but have a super cool guide in the form of Subhas Nandy.
